How to get the girl in three simple steps. An online dating guide for guys.
Want to know what women want? What they look for when scrolling through tinder and rant or rave to their girlfriends about online dating? I’m going to tell you the female perspective and all the things she wishes you knew to do.
Step one — The Profile
Let’s talk pics. I recommend having at least three pics and one of these should be of your face, without sunglasses and/or a hat. Preferably smiling, from arm’s length away. I’m going to see your face if we meet so don’t bother being shy now. Let me know what you look like! Your perceived flaws may be Cindy Crawford’s mole to the right girl, so show me the real you, no filters, no hiding.
Next pic I like to see you doing something, like a favorite hobby. Some women say they don’t like the fishing/hunting pics but that’s ok. Post it anyways because the women that aren’t a good match and not into it will weed themselves out and that’s a good thing. No sense matching up and getting attached to someone who will frown and ask you not to go every time you go do said weekend hobby. Be honest and upfront about it now and save yourself from incompatibility later.
Also, no pics in bathrooms. Any bathroom, ever. Just no. Don’t. Go delete those now. Please. Seriously. Take a second now and find your phone and delete them from existence. All women think when they see your bathroom is about how gross and messy it is. Even if it’s a good bathroom, it’s where you do #2 and that’s the last image we want when we are trying to be interested in you. Delete. Delete. Delete.
Gym pics of you in the mirror are ok but not great. If you are trying to do a non-douche body pic it’s better to have it be outside somewhere. So it seems like you actually leave the house and do fun things we might want to also do. But don’t post one where you are filthy and she wonders if you live outside. I know, I know, so many things to think about. LOL.
Please delete the scenery pics of mountains and sunsets. Sometimes the algorithm will make them your primary pic and when that happens I personally don’t bother to look at the other pics. I just swipe no. I’m not interested in scenery, I’m interested in you.
Lastly, pics of you drinking and smoking are good. Be honest about your lifestyle upfront, it saves time for people who aren’t a match and that’s the whole goal of a profile.
Pics of pets are good. Much better is if you are in the pic with the pet. Again, the algorithm might make that your main pic and you could be getting skipped over otherwise.
The Bio. I’ve read bios that turned a maybe into a yes and a yes into a no.
Ones that turned a maybe into a yes showed intelligence, humor, mentioned books, authors, photography or other creative interests. They made me think it would be interesting to meet you and have a conversation and if there was no chemistry, to be friends. That’s a #goals bio.
Ones that turned a yes into a no, said things like here for the weekend, looking for a good time, or even hinting at sex. I’m not saying don’t be honest, because I actually appreciate the honesty. I legitimately do. You saved me from wasting my time and energy. So keep being honest, even though it saddens my heart and makes me sick to my stomach that you are trying to get women to share themselves with you intimately so quickly and superficially, keep being honest. Because it saves women who are actually trying to find a partner in this world to share their life with a lot of time upfront.
Step 2 — The messaging
Don’t get sexual too fast. Never ask a woman’s bra size or to exchange nude pics. Just, no. Treat her like a person you are interested in getting to know.
Do some small talk. How’s your day. What are you up to. Are you from (insert city you live in). Do you have pets? Don’t ask if she lives alone. It’s too soon, not your business and comes off creepy. I’ve unmatched guys immediately for asking this because it felt predatory.
A question that seems to be getting asked a lot now is, What are you looking for. The first few times I was asked this I didn’t know what to say. It seems so basic, I should know what I’m looking for. And I do, but I think I was suddenly scared to be honest. Just like women don’t like to talk sexual to fast, we also don’t want to drop the relationship talk too fast either. Oh, you know, just the love of my life. The kind they write movies about that make people cry. Something like that.
But it’s a good question. You are just sorting out if you are a good match. So now I admit I want a relationship with someone honest, kind, reliable, healthy lifestyle. I don’t have or want kids (this is a big one and I think it’s good to sort out some of your deal-breaker issues early). I put all my cards on the table. Here it is. This is what I want. And the guy either feels he’s a match and we keep talking or he admits he’s just trying to get laid and we say our goodbyes. Win/win.
So ask the big questions instead of just asking her every day What are you doing. How are you? Know yourself and what is important to you. If you have three dogs, ask if she likes dogs. If you hunt or fish, ask how she feels about that. Ask her things that matter. But don’t let this stage drag out forever and become pen pals or fizzle out into nothingness if you are interested. Take the leap. Ask her out.
Step 3. The Date.
I recently had a guy message me and say he was interested in a girl who looks smart and outdoorsy and he couldn’t decide between asking her to dinner or a hike. I felt a bit jealous. Lucky girl. I said dinner because it’s been raining all week. (Also, because smart women don’t go into the woods on first dates but more on that later, lol).
So he asked if I’d like to meet up the next day to get pizza. I said yes and we meet up. It was smooth and easy. Just like I wish all of dating was.
I like the classic dinner date for a first meeting. It shows a level of investment, consideration and it’s easy to talk and see how they respond in situations. I understand sometimes money is tight and guys who date a lot prefer to meet for coffee or drinks but I usually pass on those. This is your chance to make a great first impression and show me you are the man for me. Also, personally I rarely drink and most bars I can hardly hear you in.
I love when a guy asks which night of the week I’m free and if I have any food preferences. Be still my heart, this guy is a potential keeper. All we need now is chemistry on the date.
If the dinner goes well, I like bowling, pool or going out dancing after. Not movies, movies are awkwardly sitting in silence next to someone instead of getting to know them. We’ve talked, we’ve sorted out a level of mutual interests and compatibility, let’s be physically active a bit. It’s fun to flirt while being a bit competitive.
Save the hiking or outdoors adventure for a second date. It’s been proved that doing something like crossing a scary looking bridge makes other people seem more attractive. I’m not saying ask her to scale a mountain, please don’t, unless she is an experienced climber. But a small hike is fun. Something just a bit out of her comfort zone is good. No Netflix and chill. No. It’s boring and it’s too soon. Go live life! That’s what will make memories and bond you. Go have Fun.
So there it is, in three simple steps. Take some good pics (yes, ask your mom or best friend to play photographer for a day and get some decent pics of yourself, or even pay for professional pics and tell yourself they are an investment because honestly, everyone deserves a few good pics of themselves), message her about her lifestyle, dreams, goals and compatibility, ask her out to a meal, go have fun and play. Who knows, maybe you’ll even have so much fun you’ll keep asking her to hang out and she’ll keep saying yes and you’ll fall in love. I heard that was a thing, back in the day. Let’s bring it back in style. #Couplegoals. #Bae. #Happy. #InLove.